In Memoriam:

Dearest Veronica,

It has been one year since you left us, and I am still at a loss as to what to say. Words just can not convey the sense of loss I feel, because I know I lost the best friend I will ever have. You are the sweetest, most kind hearted person I have ever known, and the world is just a colder place without you.

It is so unfair that such a beautiful person was afflicted with such a terrible disease. I know how hard you fought, trying to find the right medications and dealing with all the side effects and pain along the way. I know many people did not know what you were going through, but I just feel they should. It just makes how sweet and wonderful you were to everyone all the more remarkable.

I miss your laugh and your smile every single day. Whenever the sense of loss becomes too great, I try to remember all the great times I had with you, and take comfort that I still have those wonderful memories. You will always be in my mind, my heart, and my soul.

With great love and sadness,

Kevin

JOSEPH BISHARA: Veronica meant so much to me in so many ways. She was such a truly unique, caring sweet sweet soul who cared for others with a vengeance. Fierce grace.

Never any pretence, almost an allergic aversion to it. She would laugh at the notion even… She would give anything to help someone she felt needed something more than her, like a protector.

One aspect of her that always stood out was her empathy and caring for animals, particularly those of the sea. Whenever I’d eat fish around her (which was a lot) I’d nearly always get that “yuck face“, followed by an“ewww”. The way she’d explain it was “fish = friend, not food”.

And the mischief she would get into… nearly always…

She loved the ocean so much, scuba diving being probably her favourite activity. With her as your dive buddy, you could count on one thing — she would not stay with you. Any fish or creature that caught her eye, she would swim towards, and almost always try to touch.

I recall many times yelling hopelessly through my regulator at her as she’d take off towards a passing creature as we were supposed to surface. When her attention went towards something, that’s all there was in theworld.

On vacation in Kauai, I recall my sister finding a shell her husband gave her as a gift come morning had turned out to be not just a shell, but a home for a small, drying-out crab creature.

My first instinct was “Veronica!” She came in, grabbed it, and we began operation crab rescue to return it to the sea.

We walked the rather long path around the resort to the ocean, as she talked to it along the way. Stopped at a tidepool to give it a dunk, coaxed it out, then found a safe, wave-free place to deposit him. “He’s fine now,” she said.

She loved sharks, and in the Bahamas we went on a reef- shark-feeding dive trip. The divemasters during the safety briefing explained the protocol, and how we all should land on our knees on the bottom, keep arms folded, and not leave the circle once the feeding began.

There were 20-30 sharks, tearing apart fish, and swimming in from behind to get in on the action. I look over to see Veronica reaching over, trying to pass me her camera, then removing her regulator from her mouth to flash that giddy smile with the sharks swimming behind her.

‘What the hell are you doing???” I thought. “Arms are supposed to stay folded!” Later she would giggle about this, even after we got back to the dock to find that someone on the last trip had not been so lucky and got bit.

On the same trip after dinner one night strolling around the resort, she found a stray cat, hungry and meowing. She fed it a bit, petted it and held it for a while. The next night, she cut up her leftover steak and we decided to walk back to the area where the cat was, to feed it.

No sign of the cat, but she really wanted to find it. We wandered for a long time, and still no cat. I was tired of walking, and sat on a bench to wait for her — nearly a half-hour later she showed up, still calling “kitty… kitty?”.

Finally, on the way back to our room, she found him in a row of bushes. He really enjoyed that steak…

She had such an animal sense… could empathise with them so well. Often she would walk around the house saying about herself, “Is it like having a wild animal in the house?” Yes, it sometimes kinda was.

I have so many random memories of her…

• Getting an email titled puppy strangling, with an attached pic of her sticking her tongue out choking a puppy (“He liked it!” she said).

• Her sending a picture of her grocery cart, the large section full to the top with 2 litre Diet Coke bottles and the top with mounds of Luna bars.

• Telling a waiter: “I like your accent.” His response: ‘Umm… I don’t have an accent.” Her reply: “Yeah you do — you sound gay.”

• Early on, waiting for her to be over at 9pm, then getting a call around 11 saying she’s almost ready to leave.

• How just extending fingers towards her would make her double-over laughing and incapacitated saying “It tickles me.”

• Us walking around the airport mimicking the cars honking at each other by saying “et”… This became normal language between us (“et‘” became very versatile, depending on the inflection).

• How when rats were shown in horror movies she’d giggle at how cute they were, unable to understand why anyone would consider them scary.

• Always getting obscure postcards from her world travelling, even sometimes just from Hollywood.

• Her telling Glenn Danzig how I had on his music earlier and she came in saying “Oh God, what is that horrible noise?”.

• Thinking it was funny being a Jewish girl with a Nazi armband dressed as Ilsa — She Wolf of the SS for Halloween. (Then a couple of years later seeing the fawning look in the eye of Don Edmonds, director of Ilsa[RIP] whom she befriended when I mentioned her to him).

• Watching her smile as she shovelled horse poop in Beamer’s stall, just so happy to have him.

• Seeing her frustration (while still laughing) when the same 1200lb horse wouldn’t stand still while she picked his hooves.

There was also an enormous amount of pain in her. The dark side of her mind was so much for her to handle, I only send love her way and hope she has found the lasting peace that seemed to elude her here.

I miss her terribly, and will always hold love in my heart for that sweet sweet creature unlike any other. JB

Miss Veronica, full of mischief and truth, she walked a mean catwalk and told it like it was. I admired her.

It’s been about 5 years since the first day I met V at LA’s Dominion. Throughout the years we’ve partied on several continents and while merely being “Hi, good to see you” friends, she was always high on my list.

Veronica walked in our first show in Jamaica for Kink In the Caribbean 2007. She was quickly chosen for our LA debut at Kink Ball in 2008 and our gem presentation at Torture Garden in London for their Birthday Ball.

Perfectly able to rely on her sweet face, she was smarter than most and could charm the shirt off of you. She was of a dying breed of Domina, the well-read and schooled Domme.

Motivated, creative and curious is how I’ll remember her. And of course, with her horses.

<3 Here’s a little gallery we’ve collected of Miss Veronica x HOB.

[View with PicLens]

This site is dedicated to honoring the life of Veronica Hoffman. It will be a place for her loved ones and friends to share their memories of her as well as a place to further the charities and causes that Veronica held dear. On behalf of the many people who love you and miss you terribly, Happy Birthday V.